In my past marriage, I went through countless arguments and pain. It seemed like we were always caught in a whirlwind of power struggles, with our expectations and demands escalating. Our marriage plunged into a dark abyss, leaving me feeling helpless and hopeless. Sometimes, I even wondered, “Was it ever really love?”
I made the decision not to be burdened by this pain anymore. I began reflecting on our behaviors and attitudes, and made six significant changes. These changes didn’t take effect immediately; they required long-term communication and perseverance. Here are the six changes I made, which became the key to reshaping my marriage.
- Accepting his imperfections and reducing expectations I began to understand that no one is perfect, and everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. I started accepting his imperfections instead of constantly criticizing and blaming him. This doesn’t mean that I have no expectations for his behavior, but rather that I’ve learned to approach his actions in a healthier way. Accepting his imperfections has made me more tolerant and accommodating, resulting in a more relaxed and harmonious relationship.
- Embracing and respecting his uniqueness I used to get caught up in nitpicking his flaws and shortcomings, overlooking his uniqueness and positive qualities. Later on, I realized that this kind of nitpicking only brings negative effects to our marriage. I started focusing more on each other’s strengths and virtues, rather than dwelling on each other’s weaknesses. I began to respect his choices, even when I didn’t fully agree. Respecting each other’s choices doesn’t mean giving up my own stance, but rather facing our differences with a mindset of inclusiveness and understanding.
- Letting go of past hurts In a marriage, it’s inevitable to experience hurts and accumulate resentment and anger. However, dwelling on past hurts will only burden our marriage and hinder our progress. Although at times, I was reluctant to let go of those hurts, I had to admit that only through forgiveness and acceptance of the past can our marriage truly move towards happiness.
- Apologizing bravely It’s inevitable for us to make mistakes or hurt each other. In the past, I had some misconceptions about apologizing, thinking that it meant weakness or surrender. But often, apologizing is a way to express respect and care for the other person. It creates a more open and inclusive marital environment, allowing us to better resolve issues and grow together.
- Giving him more praise I used to believe that my love for him should be evident without verbal praise and affirmation. But clearly, I was wrong. Just like how I appreciate him saying “you’re prettier,” he, too, desires praise and affirmation. So, I started expressing more appreciation and love towards him, giving him more praise. When I sincerely complimented his efforts, qualities, or achievements, I saw the joy and pride in his eyes. These praises not only make him feel loved but also make me cherish his presence even more. I deeply realized that these simple yet genuine praises not only boost his self-esteem and confidence but also infuse our marriage with more warmth and joy.
- Giving him some space Through our communication, I realized that I was trying to merge our lives completely, overlooking his existence as an independent individual. Giving him space doesn’t mean distancing or indifference; it’s about creating a healthier and balanced relationship. Everyone needs their own time and space to pursue personal dreams and interests. Such space not only allows him the opportunity to develop his uniqueness but also gives me the chance to explore my inner world.
After making these six changes, our emotional connection became stronger, and our understanding and support for each other became more solid. These changes became precious assets in our marriage, allowing us to grow together and create our own happiness.
Hi there! I’m Rebecca, the face behind this dynamic sphere. I aim to help women navigate the challenges and uncertainties that can arise in their marriages.