When we step into the sacred realm of marriage, our hearts are filled with beautiful aspirations and expectations of happiness. However, reality often cruelly deviates from our dreams. For many women facing serious relationship issues after marriage, divorce may become an inevitable choice.
I understand that “man cannot remake himself without suffering.” Looking back, I realize that there are certain things that, if I had been able to clarify before getting divorced, could have possibly prevented some pain and hurt.
1.Marriage is not a perfect fairy tale
I, too, was once captivated by romantic novels and movies. When I walked down the aisle, I had high hopes and believed that I would live a happily ever after, just like the princesses in fairy tales. However, I soon realized that marriage is not as perfect as I had imagined. It requires us to compromise, navigate conflicts, and work on building a harmonious relationship. He enjoys basking in the morning sun by opening the windows, while I prefer to lazily stay in bed under the covers. He prefers putting the dishes in the dishwasher, while I enjoy washing them by hand. These seemingly insignificant differences can accumulate into conflicts in our day-to-day lives.
2.Love is freedom
In my past marriage, I often fell into the misconception that love meant unconditional sacrifice and devotion. I believed that in order to maintain the marriage, I had to set aside my dreams and values and constantly please others. However, I gradually realized that true love should be liberating.
Love should be a feeling of freedom that doesn’t restrict our individuality and pursuits. Giving up on our dreams does not lead to genuine happiness. It was only when I started pursuing my own goals that I truly felt inner fulfillment and joy. Only by being true to myself, embracing my uniqueness, could I offer others genuine love.
3.You don’t need anyone else to decide whether you should get a divorce
During my marital confusion, I found myself lost in other people’s opinions and advice. I didn’t know how to make a decision, whether to continue the marriage or choose divorce. I sought the opinions of friends, family, and experts, hoping they would give me a clear answer. However, in the end, I realized that the most important decision-making power lies within myself.
I understand that this is not an easy decision. Divorce involves complex emotions and consequences, and it can bring pain and challenges. But sometimes, in order to protect our inner selves and seek true happiness, divorce may be the only choice. Only you can truly feel the reality of your marriage, and only you can judge whether it’s worth continuing to persevere.
4.Marriage is not a necessary part of life
We are taught to believe that marriage is a necessary path in life, a symbol of standard success and happiness. However, in reality, marriage is not a choice that everyone needs or suits.
Happiness and fulfillment in life should not solely depend on marriage. When I began to break free from this erroneous mindset and courageously pursue my own goals, I discovered the possibilities and richness of life. I realized that we need to break free from the constraints of traditional notions and bravely choose the path that suits us.
5.Happiness should come from within, not from anyone else
I used to expect that marriage would fill the void in my heart and bring endless joy. However, the harsh truth is that true happiness comes from inner contentment and self-fulfillment.
We cannot rely on others, whether it’s our partner, family, or friends, to provide our happiness. They can accompany us, support us, but they cannot be the sole source of our happiness. We need to learn to independently seek our own joy and fulfillment.
The source of happiness lies in developing our own interests and pursuing our dreams. When we immerse ourselves in things we love, we feel a sense of inner fulfillment and satisfaction. It could be pursuing art, music, writing, or cultivating our skills and knowledge. Whatever it is, the important thing is to find that spark that ignites our passion.
6.Divorce can help you quickly break free from an unhealthy relationship
I have experienced being trapped in an unhealthy relationship for a long time, and I deeply understand the feelings of being bound, suppressed, and hurt. During that time, I felt my inner self imprisoned, unable to breathe, unable to truly express my authentic self. I am grateful that I chose divorce, as it allowed me to regain freedom and happiness.
7.Divorce is not a sign of failure
Real failure is not divorce, but rather persisting in an unhealthy relationship, where we sink, get hurt, and even lose ourselves. I deeply understand the pain and despair of being trapped in an unhealthy relationship. It feels like being imprisoned in an invisible cage, unable to breathe, unable to find an exit to happiness.
Divorce is not a hasty decision, but a means to protect our physical and mental well-being, to regain inner balance and happiness. It is a shelter we create for ourselves, allowing us to start anew and rediscover our true selves.
When facing marital confusion, please remember these seven things. Believe in your own courage and decisions, believe that you deserve to have a healthy, loving, and respectful relationship.
Hi there! I’m Rebecca, the face behind this dynamic sphere. I aim to help women navigate the challenges and uncertainties that can arise in their marriages.