Looking back on the years gone by, arguments and conflicts seemed to have become the norm in our marriage. I found myself daily engaged in petty quarrels with my husband over trivial matters. During that time, my heart was filled with anger, disappointment, and helplessness. However, when I learned to stop doing the following eight things, I finally became a happier wife.
Hi there! Iām Rebecca, the face behind this dynamic sphere. I aim to help women navigate the challenges and uncertainties that can arise in their marriages.
1.No longer trying to change him
Previously, I had attempted to change him, measuring his actions and thoughts against my own standards, hoping he would completely meet my expectations. But later on, I realized that everyone is an independent individual with their own unique thoughts and ways of behaving. Love isn’t about making someone fit our expectations; it’s about accepting them for who they truly are. I began to let go of the desire to control and the expectations I had for him, instead focusing on appreciating his uniqueness. I discovered that when I truly accepted him, our relationship grew deeper and more authentic.
2.No longer excessively criticizing and blaming
In the past, I would constantly criticize and blame him over trivial matters. For instance, if he forgot to hang the laundry or accidentally broke a dish, I would express my dissatisfaction with sharp words. However, criticism and blame only escalate conflicts and do not solve problems. I needed to learn to respect his feelings and listen to his thoughts and opinions. When I stopped rushing to criticize and blame, our marriage became much more peaceful.
3.No longer dwelling on past hurts
Immersing myself in past pain only intensified my suffering, preventing me from truly living in the present and creating happier memories. I had to face the past hurts and accept them. So, I engaged in deep conversations with my husband, expressing how his past actions had hurt me. I deeply felt a sense of liberation and rebirth within my soul. Letting go of past pain allowed me to regain my freedom and fully invest myself in our marriage.
4.No longer demanding perfection from him
In the past, I used to nitpick at my husband, focusing on his flaws and shortcomings. I wanted him to become better, more perfect, rather than accepting his true self. I admit that this indeed caused him some hurt, and I made him a broken hearted man.
No one is perfect, including myself. I learned to accept my husband’s flaws and imperfections, just as he accepts mine. I learned to embrace his shortcomings without being overly critical. And when I let go of my demanding nature and started treating him with tolerance and understanding, our relationship underwent a wonderful transformation.
5.No longer resorting to the silent treatment
The silent treatment was a common mode of communication between us. Whenever we had disagreements or dissatisfaction, we would choose silence, confront each other, or even intentionally distance ourselves. However, the silent treatment only deepened the rift and sense of alienation between us, without resolving any issues.
I learned to initiate communication and bravely express my feelings and needs. I understand that only through active communication can we better understand each other and find common solutions.
6.No longer comparing my marriage to others
In the past, when I saw friends sharing their sweet married life online, I would feel envious of their romance and happiness. I even started to doubt my own marriage, feeling that our relationship wasn’t as fulfilling and happy as others’. This led me into unnecessary anxiety and dissatisfaction, and we would argue as a result.
Fortunately, I have come to understand that every marriage is unique and incomparable. Each couple has their own story, challenges, and growth. Only we can truly understand our marriage and find genuine love within it.
7.Lack of Patience Towards My Husband
I admit that I used to lack patience with my husband. I often felt impatient with his pace and didn’t give him enough space and time to handle his own affairs. This impatience created tension in our relationship and led to arguments.
When I realized this issue, I started to slow down and listen to his thoughts and feelings. By giving him more patience, our relationship became more harmonious and intimate, and we had fewer arguments.
8.No Longer Expecting My Husband to Read My Mind
I used to be like many other women, expecting my husband to be able to read my mind. I thought he should be able to understand my inner thoughts and feelings from my gaze, smile, or silence. When he didn’t promptly understand my needs, I would get angry with him.
Clearly, I was wrong. My husband is not a mind reader; he needs me to actively express my thoughts and feelings. This misguided expectation only leads to misunderstandings and communication barriers between us. When I started to proactively express myself, our communication became smoother and more effective.